He's Had Better Days

I'm sitting here next to J as he sleeps and I type this up on my phone. Tonight has been a different kind of visit. I walked in to find him looking like he'd been hit by a truck and from the sounds of it he feels that way too. They gave him more meds for the nausea and the size 8 headache he has and he's drifted off to sleep. He gets his last dose of 24 hr. chemo tonight. He just keeps saying one more night over and over again. He's ready to come home and we are ready to have him home even if it means he lies on the couch most of the time. The kids have been able to see him and should be able to continue to see him as long as his white blood cell count stays up. C seems to be pretending that things are normal and doesn't want to talk to or visit J. I'm sure its just his way of coping with things. At times he becomes emotional over the littlest things which makes life a challenge but we get through it. K is always wanting to go see her daddy and eagerly awaits him to walk through the double doors but is soon scared off by the machine and IV's that J is constantly attached to. I think she thinks that he won't be hooked up each time she sees him. She took one look at him today and whimpered. When J tried to put his arm around her she pulled it off and pushed him away. I could tell that hurt J. It broke my heart to see the Daddy's girl scared to be near cause of all the tubes. I know things will be better once he is home and life will seem normal to the kids with dad home. Even if it is for a short while.