Its that time of year that I sort of dread. I used to love this time of year but with so much that happens in the next month its hard to love it again. I did so much better this year. Didn't really cry. Its strange to think that Jeff would be 34 this year and yet I'm now older than him. You never really think of it that way. We all headed out to the grave this afternoon. We stopped and picked up balloons for the kids to send to heaven. I meant to have Carter and Kennedy write a little something to their dad to attach to the balloons but let it slip my mind. This year as we watched the balloons take off they went in a different direction. They took longer to disappear into the clouds. It wasn't a sad time for once. It was a happy one. One to celebrate the memory of Jeff. Tony sat down with Carter at the grave and had a talk with him as I watched the girls play and laugh and giggle. Tony asked Carter to tell him something great about his dad. I didn't get to hear the conversation. I felt that was something meant just for the two of them to share. Carter was deep in thought. I watched him and thought, when did this kid grow up? Where did my little boy go? Before we left the house Tony told Carter to get dressed into something nice for his dad, he came down stairs in his Sunday best. I thought it was sweet and thoughtful that he'd want to get dressed that nice to go see his dad. He's still a very thoughtful kid, has the biggest heart of anyone I know. I feel blessed to be able to share this tradition of sending balloons to heaven each year with my kids, Helps them feel like they are doing something to remember Jeff each year on his birthday. Happy Birthday Jeff... hope you caught their balloons.
(this was posted by Tony on facebook, I loved it and had to share)
Happy Birthday Jeff. Hope you caught the balloons! They were scooting along pretty fast from the wind. Adalynn's took awhile to get lift, but finally took off. We know you are doing well. We keep you with us in this home every single day. Carter and Kennedy are doing great. They both talk about you all the time, and once in a while Im sure you see them crying for you. Usually at bedtime, during prayers. I hope you can really feel their love. They are trying to keep you proud. I will speak for Emily here if I may. She loves you, and I know she misses you dearly. She always will. She is a lot stronger than last year, but still has her moments where her heart and soul struggle for the loss of you. I hope we are doing right by you, and if you ever have any pointers (heaven knows I need them sometimes) please get the msg to me somehow. Carter told me yesterday while sitting w/ him at the cemetary "my dad sure was a good dad........ and so are you Tony". Melted my heart. Reward enough for me :) That's all I ever wanted to be. I am fortunate to be a part of something wonderful. Take care brother, and please watch over us.
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