Today is Supposed to Be Lucky...

So many people say that today is a lucky day. That 8-8-08 is the luckiest day and won't happen again for another 100 years. I don't know if I believe in luck anymore. At least not after this morning. J went in for his regular doctor appointment and they had the results of his CT that he took on Monday 8/4. They results should preliminary findings that the lump on his neck is a lymphatic tumor. Which more than likely means that the cancer is back. J came home and having left hoping that maybe it was just his thyroid came home disheartened and wasn't sure if he wanted to tell me. Once he told me I just couldn't believe it... this wasn't supposed to happen again. This wasn't supposed to come back. The pumped him with so much chemo so fast and hard that it was supposed to get rid of it all. My world was crashing down and I had to hurry and finish getting ready for J's cousin's wedding. I had to put on my happy face and pretend that I hadn't heard bad news. I think it is harder for someone to tell you that they have cancer or that the cancer is back than having to hear those words. I don't know how to explain to a 5 year old that his daddy has cancer again or how to make a 17 month old understand that daddy is sick and doesn't feel well. I'm sure the kids sense that something is wrong. I just don't want to say too much until we know everything. We will find out what is the next step on Monday. Until then we are just trying to act like everything is normal that our world is stable and not falling apart. At least we have each other. I guess that does make today a little lucky...