I Hate Mondays

I hate Mondays not for the reason most people hate Mondays.... my reasoning is totally different. No one should have to hate Mondays for the reason that I do. Mondays seem to be the bearer of bad news... I woke up this Monday morning (7/28) feeling sick to my stomach, my stomach in knots for what reason I wasn't sure but I just wanted it to go away... I wanted to shake that undeniable feeling that something was wrong but I couldn't seem to get it to go away. I busied myself with cleaning the house, taking care of the kids and watching my sister Amy's kids and worked on editing some photos from a photo shoot I did for J's cousin. Five o'clock came around and I hurried out the door with the kids to meet J at his office to head out to dinner and the mall. On the drive there I started to feel that nervousness again that feeling that makes you want to throw up. I felt some sort of urgency that I needed to get there soon. We walked into the office and J told me those words that I hate to hear... I heard from the doctor... There was a change in my Lymph nodes...My stomach sank, I wanted to run away... throw up, do something but not have to hear those words... my world was starting to crash down around me and there was nothing I could do but stand there and put on a brave face... not just for myself but for J for the kids. It seems that our Mondays are always the days that we receive the bad news. When we found out that the cancer had spread to his lungs it was a Monday... Last Monday (7/21 I also had nervousness when J told me he was going to the dr. somehow I thought the cancer was back) after J had gone to the doctor because of serious back pain we got the call that his Lymph nodes had a change again I felt my world closing in... We thought and hoped that it was just his back and the pain seemed to get better from the chiropractor so that week seemed to get better. They had his Oncologist compare the last CT he had with the recent one and when J called on Monday to follow up that was the latest news....His doctor is out of town and won't be back till the 8th and Jeff has an appointment to see him on Monday of all days... August the 11th. So now it is a waiting game.... A game I'd rather not play.... But until then I can only hope and pray that it is just an infection or that there is a simple explanation other than CANCER... if that is the case we are all willing and maybe not ready to fight again but we will... this won't tear us apart but make us stronger... and someday I'll be able to hate Mondays just because the weekend is over...