Oct. 7th, 2010: 2 years ago we were celebrating with J his 31st birthday, little did we know that it would be the last one we'd celebrate here on earth. This year we sent balloons to heaven again, difference this year was that K actually asked questions about where the balloons were going, asked if she could go see Daddy in heaven. Those kind of things tear at my heart strings. I love how excited they get to send those balloons. Its become a tradition to go pick out balloons, one for each kid and head to the cemetery. This year was also a little different, J's grandma passed away in June and is buried next to J. While at the store C asked if we could get a balloon to send to heaven to Great Grandma H. too. I thought it was so sweet that he'd think of her too and remember that she was there next to his dad. We took the balloons, took pictures of the kids and let them go. They went in the same direction as last year. Guess that's just the way they head on their way to heaven.
After the cemetery we headed to Great Grandpa H's house to meet up with all of J's family to celebrate what would have been his 33rd birthday and all of the Oct. birthday's as well. I had been fine most of the day until I walked into Grandpa H's house. I was over come with emotion and couldn't stop crying. I think the more people I saw the harder I tried not to cry but I couldn't help but cry. But, soon I was ok. I started to think back to how I was last year and realized how far I've come in a year. I'm stronger than I was a year ago at this time. Strange how time continues to pass. I continue to heal and yet that girl, the one that went through all of this seems like she's someone else. Someone who I've somehow felt her pain, felt her loss, her sorrow and cried her tears and yet at the same time it was me. Me who experienced all the heartache, the pain the loss, the tears, the sorrow and cried all those millions of tears. Me who spent those lonely nights laying in bed, crying myself to sleep at times. I don't hurt like I used to. I've made it past all those firsts and I'm on to my 2nds and 3rds. And how much further I'll be in just another year, and another as the years continue to pass. I don't hate time, I'm not scared of it anymore. I still have anxiety from time to time but not like I used to. That was something I didn't talk about. I kept it to myself and just figured it was part of the loss. I know that's what caused it. I couldn't wake up on any given day and not have anxiety. I just didn't know where my life was going to be headed that day and that scared me. I've learned to take one day at a time. Not stress about the little things. Learned to accept life and that I'm gonna have my ups and downs that life is crazy busy and ever changing but I'm loving it. Pieces of my old life fade into the background as my new life emerges. And those important pieces of my old life merge into my new life and continue to shine bright. And that's how it should be! C (7 years old now) is in the 1st grade and reads at a 3rd grade level. He's loving school and has just started taking piano lessons at the school. He's still got the biggest heart of any kid I know. He's always there to ask me why I'm sad and crying or just to put his arm around me and tell me its going to be ok. K (3.5 years) started preschool and is such a chatterbox. I'm sure J's up there just laughing at the things she says. She just asks about a million questions in a 2 min time frame. She's full of life and loves to dance and talk to anyone who will listen. Baby A (8 months old) has started saying dada and cruises the furniture like crazy. She does the army man crawl, kinda looks like she's wounded when she does it but has become so fast at it. As for T & I we are going strong & loving life. We are having quiet the adventures, big and small & although life is crazy with 3 kids, we wouldn't have it any other way. Life is constantly changing, but for once I'm up for change. Ready to face it head on!
Oct. 7th, 2010: 2 years ago we were celebrating with J his 31st birthday, little did we know that it would be the last one we'd celebrate here on earth. This year we sent balloons to heaven again, difference this year was that K actually asked questions about where the balloons were going, asked if she could go see Daddy in heaven. Those kind of things tear at my heart strings. I love how excited they get to send those balloons. Its become a tradition to go pick out balloons, one for each kid and head to the cemetery. This year was also a little different, J's grandma passed away in June and is buried next to J. While at the store C asked if we could get a balloon to send to heaven to Great Grandma H. too. I thought it was so sweet that he'd think of her too and remember that she was there next to his dad. We took the balloons, took pictures of the kids and let them go. They went in the same direction as last year. Guess that's just the way they head on their way to heaven.
After the cemetery we headed to Great Grandpa H's house to meet up with all of J's family to celebrate what would have been his 33rd birthday and all of the Oct. birthday's as well. I had been fine most of the day until I walked into Grandpa H's house. I was over come with emotion and couldn't stop crying. I think the more people I saw the harder I tried not to cry but I couldn't help but cry. But, soon I was ok. I started to think back to how I was last year and realized how far I've come in a year. I'm stronger than I was a year ago at this time. Strange how time continues to pass. I continue to heal and yet that girl, the one that went through all of this seems like she's someone else. Someone who I've somehow felt her pain, felt her loss, her sorrow and cried her tears and yet at the same time it was me. Me who experienced all the heartache, the pain the loss, the tears, the sorrow and cried all those millions of tears. Me who spent those lonely nights laying in bed, crying myself to sleep at times. I don't hurt like I used to. I've made it past all those firsts and I'm on to my 2nds and 3rds. And how much further I'll be in just another year, and another as the years continue to pass. I don't hate time, I'm not scared of it anymore. I still have anxiety from time to time but not like I used to. That was something I didn't talk about. I kept it to myself and just figured it was part of the loss. I know that's what caused it. I couldn't wake up on any given day and not have anxiety. I just didn't know where my life was going to be headed that day and that scared me. I've learned to take one day at a time. Not stress about the little things. Learned to accept life and that I'm gonna have my ups and downs that life is crazy busy and ever changing but I'm loving it. Pieces of my old life fade into the background as my new life emerges. And those important pieces of my old life merge into my new life and continue to shine bright. And that's how it should be! C (7 years old now) is in the 1st grade and reads at a 3rd grade level. He's loving school and has just started taking piano lessons at the school. He's still got the biggest heart of any kid I know. He's always there to ask me why I'm sad and crying or just to put his arm around me and tell me its going to be ok. K (3.5 years) started preschool and is such a chatterbox. I'm sure J's up there just laughing at the things she says. She just asks about a million questions in a 2 min time frame. She's full of life and loves to dance and talk to anyone who will listen. Baby A (8 months old) has started saying dada and cruises the furniture like crazy. She does the army man crawl, kinda looks like she's wounded when she does it but has become so fast at it. As for T & I we are going strong & loving life. We are having quiet the adventures, big and small & although life is crazy with 3 kids, we wouldn't have it any other way. Life is constantly changing, but for once I'm up for change. Ready to face it head on!
Posts
