2 weeks have almost past since J's Birthday. That day was a hard day for me. Seemed like all I did was cry. Any little thought could set me off and I felt like a complete mess. It was hard to think of what things were like just a year ago. Remembering what J's birthday was like that year and how happy he was despite the fact that he knew in just 13 short days he'd be in the hospital to start the stem cell treatments. I think part of him was just excited to get it done and beat and to get it all over with. I think back and see what a whirlwind of a life I've lived since Oct. 7th of 2008. How much my life changed, and continues to change. After C got out of school we went and each kid picked out a balloon to send up to heaven for J.
C picked a yellow smiley face
& K a balloon that said Happy Birthday. The kids then wrote their names on pieces of paper that I tied to each of their balloons. C only wanted to write his name. That way his dad would know that balloon was from him. K scribbled something that I'm sure J would completely understand. They always had a special bond and always will. I had each kid let their balloon go one at a time so
we could watch them disappear into the sky. It didn't take long before we could no longer see them. Surprisingly I didn't cry. I seemed to have gotten most of it out of my system. It was more of a happy feeling to watch the kids let their balloons go and see how excited especially C was to be able to do that since he had been wondering how J would get his presents being up in heaven. I still struggle with that. Its hard to explain that to a 6 year old. Everything seems to be black and white to them at that age and yet things can be complicated to me and he see it so clearly. I think the best gift J gets is that he sees his kids everyday. He sees that we are living our lives and moving forward. That life is good. He sees how inquisitive C is and how much K is growing and coming along. That she loves to dance to her own rhythm and sometimes I think she does it just for J. Later that night we went to J's parents house to celebrate the life he lived. Everyone was given a yellow balloon and those that wanted to say something about J did so and let their balloon go. Others just let their balloons go in his memory. It was good for everyone. Helped in the healing process.
C & K got to blow out the candles on the cake. We had brought mugs that J had collected from various places and let family pick out a mug to keep in his memory along with his sticker I had made for the funeral to place on the bottom of the mugs to remember him by. Despite the heartache and the tears, October 7, 2009 was a good day. A good day to remember J and the life he lived and to remember to always "Shake it Up".
2 weeks have almost past since J's Birthday. That day was a hard day for me. Seemed like all I did was cry. Any little thought could set me off and I felt like a complete mess. It was hard to think of what things were like just a year ago. Remembering what J's birthday was like that year and how happy he was despite the fact that he knew in just 13 short days he'd be in the hospital to start the stem cell treatments. I think part of him was just excited to get it done and beat and to get it all over with. I think back and see what a whirlwind of a life I've lived since Oct. 7th of 2008. How much my life changed, and continues to change. After C got out of school we went and each kid picked out a balloon to send up to heaven for J. 
C picked a yellow smiley face
& K a balloon that said Happy Birthday. The kids then wrote their names on pieces of paper that I tied to each of their balloons. C only wanted to write his name. That way his dad would know that balloon was from him. K scribbled something that I'm sure J would completely understand. They always had a special bond and always will. I had each kid let their balloon go one at a time so 
we could watch them disappear into the sky. It didn't take long before we could no longer see them. Surprisingly I didn't cry. I seemed to have gotten most of it out of my system. It was more of a happy feeling to watch the kids let their balloons go and see how excited especially C was to be able to do that since he had been wondering how J would get his presents being up in heaven. I still struggle with that. Its hard to explain that to a 6 year old. Everything seems to be black and white to them at that age and yet things can be complicated to me and he see it so clearly. I think the best gift J gets is that he sees his kids everyday. He sees that we are living our lives and moving forward. That life is good. He sees how inquisitive C is and how much K is growing and coming along. That she loves to dance to her own rhythm and sometimes I think she does it just for J. Later that night we went to J's parents house to celebrate the life he lived. Everyone was given a yellow balloon and those that wanted to say something about J did so and let their balloon go. Others just let their balloons go in his memory. It was good for everyone. Helped in the healing process. 
C & K got to blow out the candles on the cake. We had brought mugs that J had collected from various places and let family pick out a mug to keep in his memory along with his sticker I had made for the funeral to place on the bottom of the mugs to remember him by. Despite the heartache and the tears, October 7, 2009 was a good day. A good day to remember J and the life he lived and to remember to always "Shake it Up".
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