As I sit & reflect back over the past year I'm still in amazement that I've made it this far. Hard to imagine for me, for anyone that has been or will be placed in my shoes. I think about all the learning & growth & trials that have come this past year, & stigmatisms you have to surpass as being a single mom placed with the widow label. Figuring out my new role, sometimes hating my new found life & struggling to find that balance to be able to stand on my own two feet. Trying to deal with the ups & downs of life & keeping the kids happy & teach them about life going on despite any trails that come our way. I don't look back on 2009 as one that I regret or dislike because I've grown so much in the past 12 months & there were a lot of good things that came out of 2009 as well. I've survived many 1st's without J, I know he was there but him not being there physically was hard on my heart at times& seeing C's heart break one night because he missed his dad & I couldn't do a thing about it but tell him its ok to cry because I miss him too & cry when I see his picture. And although there was heartbreak in 2009 I couldn't say I'd change a thing because I've been blessed in so many ways that I can see now & know that I will continue to be blessed in so many ways. Its helped me reach out to others in my situation & be able to let them know that everything will be ok & work out. Hard as it maybe at the time, there are special angels watching over us in Heaven & here on earth. Although it may sound strange or even a little crazy, I am truly thankful for everything 2009 brought me, cause in the end I gained so much more than I could ever wish or hope for. So I know, no matter what trials 2010 may bring us, life is good & still goes on & J is watching over us giving us that push we need when we feel like we just can't do it anymore & want to give up. I can hear him saying "shake it up", so that's what we are going to do, not get stuck in the past but continue to move forward & shake life up! 2010 will be an amazing year...
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