Its been 18 months & 24 days since I was thrown into a new life. Being a widow and a single mom. Something I never had imagined or dreamed of. Something I NEVER wanted to experience. Who would choose such a fate?! The first 2 weeks I tried so hard to be strong. Be strong for my kids. For everyone. I finally got to the point I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be met someone to help me be strong. I never was looking for him, anyone, or anything. He just happened to be there when I needed him most. That's when I met T. He was on the outside of the whole situation. He didn't know me or what happened to me over the past 3 years. He was genuinely nice and understanding. Not some guy trying to take advantage of a single newly widowed mom of 2. A shoulder to cry on and someone to carry me when I could no longer walk. So T and I talked, and talked A LOT. I told no one really about him except one person who I thought supported me only to tell me to ditch him and that it was too soon. You may wonder why I'm even writing this, but I feel like its time to "come clean" if you will. I'm tired of feeling like I failed people in someway by moving forward "so soon". For not being there for everyone else. I just couldn't do it. I so desperately wanted nothing but true happiness again. I found that in T. He made me happy and in turn my kids were happy. It made me see that they needed that father in their lives. Someone they could look up to and be around EVERY DAY. I knew I'd be judged, so I kept T a secret for a few months until I told my family, close friends and J's family. (and now the world wide web 18 months later) I braced myself to be judged, possibly harshly. See people have this thing, that they know what is best for the situation I was put in, when they've never been in my shoes. I didn't expect to get support at all. I was never trying to replace J, just find what made me happy again and T was just that. I was surprised at the support I received, and at the same time saddened at those that didn't support me when I knew they knew what it was like to be judged by others for the choices they had made. Some have come around, granted it took them a year, and sadly some have not and may never come around. And that's ok. I'm happy. I'm blessed. I'm grateful. I knew Heavenly Father was guiding me to make the choices I was making. I prayed about them, people doubted me. I prayed about T. They doubt him. Doubted us. I still chose to be happy and marry T. Had I listened to even one person who didn't like the choices I was making I would be missing out on so much. Including this sweet spirit that has been brought into our home and family. (Baby A)
If I had to do everything over again. I would in a heartbeat. A thousand times over again. T's an amazing dad to my kids and I'm, no we are so lucky to have him in our lives. He's always said he isn't trying to replace J, just pick up where he left off. Why am I writing this now? Because, I feel like its time. Time to pack things up, finish wrapping things up, really move forward and not hide in the dark. Let EVERYONE know why I'm happy. I'm sorry if you felt I moved forward too soon, no one knows how it feels but those in my shoes and its still a personal choice. You do what you have to in order to find that true happiness again. Being a single mom is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm grateful for those trials in my life. It lead me to T and him to me. I'm grateful to those who supported me and still do, those who didn't and still don't. I'm grateful that I have a loving Heavenly Father and J that love me so much that he sent me my angel to guide me here on earth while my other angel keeps an eye on me from Heaven. There is no one as lucky as us....
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