Closer Than Ever

In church today (Relief Society) we had a lesson on celestial marriages. And wouldn't you know it I got the quote about serving your spouse. I thought back over the last few months as J and went through this trial of cancer again and thought about how much closer we had become. I came to realize that it was not because he had cancer but because we were constantly serving each other. I was always concerned with him and how he felt and making sure his bandages were changed daily that his port was flushed and other things. He was always checking up on me making sure I had the breaks I needed. Making sure I got to do something for myself and was never thinking about himself even though he was sicker than sick at times. And because we were busy thinking about the other person, the little things didn't bug us. I think of how easy it is to love our children unconditionally but how hard is it to love your spouse or significant other unconditionally? As hard as these trials have been I'm grateful to know that before J died we both felt that unconditional love for one another. That there wasn't any question in either one of our minds about how we felt for one another. Cancer could have easily torn us apart if we had let it. But we chose to take it head on and make something good out of it. I miss J today. It seems like I can go for a few days without feeling like my world was torn apart, today was just kind of different. I half expected the phone to ring and hear his voice on the other line. But no matter how much I miss him I will always know how much he loves me and the kids and he proved that to me over and over again by serving me and never complaining about how hard his life was. For that I'm forever grateful. I'm grateful that he was able to feel my love for him as I served him and if I had to do it all over again I would...