You never think that at your age you'll be planing a funeral... let alone a funeral for your spouse. It just doesn't seem real. I still feel like I should wake up at any moment and J will be alive. Sitting there to talk to me. Telling me I look beautiful today even though my hair is a mess and I don't have any mascara on. Telling me and the kids he loves us. Just being able to feel him wrap his arms around me. C lost his first tooth last night and I so badly wanted to call J up and say "Guess what!" and then I realized its the little things like that, that will be hard. The little milestones that I can't pick up the phone and say J, C just lost his tooth. But then I thought I'm sad that he missed out on it but you know what He probably has the best view of all. Able to see everything at a moments notice. And that made me feel a little better. And as I was putting K to bed and she and I were laying there on the bed and I say to her every night... "You know your Daddy loves you very much, and he'll always be there to watch over you." And then I asked her... Do you want to tell Daddy goodnight? And she looked up at the ceiling and started blowing him kisses and I knew that she understood as much as a 20 month old can understand. But I believe she is handling it better being so close to the veil. And I knew she was gonna be ok. That things would be ok. Thank goodness for the sweet spirit of a small child. These kids will help me get through it all. As hard as somethings maybe I'm gonna be ok.... Thank you for everyone's support and continued prayers. We love you all.
Funeral is on Sat. at 11am.
There will also be a viewing an hour prior.
There will be a viewing on Friday from 6-8pm.
Anyone wishing to make a donation to the account my Father In Law set up for the kids and I please feel free to email me at iwearyellow(at)gmail(dot)com and I will pass along the info to you.
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20 comments:
I LOVE YOU FOREVER BIG BROTHER RIP
our family and a slew of friends would love to help you Emily!
We are all deeply sadden by your loss and Thank God you have those two adorable children to help you carry on memories and be there for you!
take care
I was so upset when I heard about Jeff. It brought me back to when I worked at PDS with Jeff for around 6 years. While working there with Jeff as my manager I was diagnosed with kidney cancer and had to have my right kidney removed. After the surgery I went home to rest and I will never forget my door bell ringing. After opening up the door there stands this RAY OF SUNSHINE on my door step Jeff. Jeff was so funny he went and bought me a GIANT JAMBA JUICE to help me feel better! We sat and talked and laughed for quite sometime. Jeff was so proud of his Chevy truck that we both went outside to admire some work that he had done on the truck.
Jeff loved to modify his truck with cool things like a great stereo or awesome exhaust system. He even put the coolest grill on thr front of his truck that I have never seen before on any other truck. Now that I think of it I can remember Jeff taking me for a ride in that truck he was so proud of his truck he had the biggest grin on his face from ear to ear! Needless to say like any employee at times I would be a bit of a pain to work with and Jeff was my manager! He was always very patient and would be very quick to forgive my short commings. In no time at all we would both be like to little kids, back to joking and clowning around (Sometimes a bit to much) But we sure did have fun. Jeff was THE BEST SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR I have ever worked with! He was great at teaching others and he lead by example! I have many more memories of Jeff as I worked with him almost everyday for 6 years! Jeff was the hardest worker I have ever seen he had logged so many air miles,that they could have opened up an AIRLINE........HE IS STILL FLYING TODAY ONLY THIS TIME ON ANGELS WINGS!
I am still over here thinking about your tons and tons. I continue to be amazed by your strength. But I'm not really sure why, you've always been a pretty strong, faithful kick butt person :)
Emily, boy was that a tear jerker. We love you and are so very sorry for the pain and sorrow you have to go through. Thankyou for your sweet words and thoughts. I know the Lord is watching over you and he will send angels to be by your side. He has a plan for you and knows you and loves you and your children so very much. Your strength and courage has blessed my life and many others. You are always in our thoughts and prayers.
I am constantly thinking about you and your kids. We will continue to pray for you!!! Let me know if you need anything.
Emily that was so cute what the kids did! It brought tears to my eyes and yes Jeff will always be watching especialy for those little things. We love you and our prayers are continuing for you!
Emily you are such a strong beacon to those two sweet kids of yours. I'm amazed. YOur words are very inspiring.
What an amazingly strong woman you are! I am so sorry for your loss. But, to have the knowledge and peace you will be together someday will get you through this! My prayers are with you...may you be uplifted and comforted at this time and always!
I am thinking about you and praying for your family every day. Kids really can help you through things, they are so close to the spirit. Keep your head up Em.
Hi, you don't know me, but I was blog hopping from Kambria Turner's blog (I roomed with her at BYU) to see if I knew anyone she listed and I came across your blog. Anyways, my brother died two months ago (27 years old) and so your post struck a chord with me. I don't really know what to say since I don't know you but just wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. I'm so glad for the Resurrection!
i am so sorry.
you'll be in our thoughts.
Emily- Im So sorry for your loss. You have been in our thoughts and prayers since we found out. My heart goes out to you and I wish there was something to say or do to make things a little easier. You have always been such a strong person and close to the Lord, i remember that from Groves ward.
Hang in there, there are TONS of people that are praying for you and I know would do anything for you if you ask. So, dont hesitate to ask!! We all need help sometimes!
You have great parents that I know will be there for you to help you and your sweet babies though this.
Love- Meredith Urry (jones)
I am a friend of Jamie Whittier's. She had a link to your blog on hers in which she told us that we should read your blog if we had a chance. I did and I have been going back and forth about whether or not to leave a comment since you don't know me, but I keep getting the feeling that I should share some thoughts with you and I couldn't ignore the prompting any more. First of all, I am so sorry about your loss! Your strength amazes me!! My own mom passed away when I was just 7 years old and my two sisters were even younger than me. When I read what you said about your husband having the best view of all it struck a chord with me. I will admit that not having my mom around has been unbelievably hard, especially during life's milestones like you said. I remember the day I got baptized and how I wanted my mom to be there to hold my hand and help me out of the font and help me get dressed, I remember the day I graduated form high school and how I wished my mom was there to hug and congratulate me, I remember my wedding day and wanting her soo badly to be sitting in the sealing room with us in the flesh, I remember the day that my little girl was born and how I kept telling my husband that I wished I could pick up the phone and thank my mom for all she did for me since I had a small glimpse of it all now that I had a baby of my own. BUT what I want to share with you is this-I have learned through life's experiences that my mom is NEVER far away, that she is constantly watching over me, that she continues to love me, and that I feel her presence in my life on a very regular basis. She WAS there in the temple when I got married, she WAS in all the situations I mentioned above, and she is a part of my life in more ways than I probably realize. I believe your kids will have that same blessing. Their dad WILL watch over them and comfort them, as he will you! Thank goodness for the restored gospel and for the knowledge we have that families are forever. What a grand reunion yor family will one day have! As I will with my own mother. Your children are so lucky to have a mom like you. I can tell just by reading the words you write that you will be their source of strength. You truly are an inspiration.
Emily-
We are so sorry to hear about Jeff. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers. Please know we are there for you at all times!
Mandy Kimball
Emily,
Wow I cannot even read your blog cause I can't see through the tears. You are so amazing, I love to read all your cute stories of the kids and love to read of your faith in this tough time. Know that my prayers are with you always.
Emily-Came here by way of Brooke. I have been following your story and wanted to let you know how sorry I am over your loss. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you will find strength that has been unknown to you before. Thank goodness for Eternal Families.
Emily, I'm sorry that we weren't able to come out for the funeral. Know that you have been in our thoughts and prayers since your loss and especially this weekend during the funeral. Keep strong. You're amazing =)
God saw him get so tired,
When a cure was not to be,
So He closed his arms around him
And whispered "come to me"
A golden heart stopped beating;
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes His best.
In tears we saw him sinking,
We watched him fade away.
It felt like our hearts were broken:
He fought so hard to stay.
But when we saw him sleeping.
So peacefully free from pain,
We could not wish him back
To suffer that all again.
So keep your arms around him, Lord
And give him special care.
Make up for all he suffered
And all that seemed unfair.
So many times we needed him,
So many times we cried.
If love alone could save him,
He never would have died.
I miss my son so much. I am so lost, after spending so much time at the hospital visiting J or just sitting with him, I feel so sad and lonely. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for J & E's two beautiful children and his wonderful wife. E is such a great Mother, I am so thankful for her. J will live on through them. Our hearts have been truly filled to overflowing with the love, prayers, kindness, food, cards, comments, money for the children, gifts, letters, babysitting, yard work, hugs, travel to be with us and much much more received from family, neighbors, friends and even those we don't know who were touched by this amazing blog that E has put together. Words cannot express what the kindness means during this sad time. We love and thank you all.
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