Harvesting Time

We got a call at 6:15am this morning saying that J needed to come down to the hospital right then because his stem cells are ready to harvest. Due to a lack of communication last night they didn't get us called until this morning. J headed out with his dad at 7:45am. He called me just a few min ago (8:50am) and told me that they may only have to do one harvesting because his stem cell counts are super high as well as his white counts! This process should take about 4 hours and they say it could make him really tired today and for the next couple of days. Once they've harvested the cells it could be as short as 2 weeks before he starts this next journey.

Daily Shots, City of Hope and Bandage Changes... Oh, My!

J's been home a week and I've been telling him that he needs to work on this post but since he worked all week on my computer when he was feeling up to it I guess I'll do it for him.... J's doing pretty good. He seemed to get over things a little bit quicker this round and is working from home this week. He is still neutripinic (low white count) and can continue to drop his whites up to 2 weeks after chemo. Every time he steps outside of the house he is to wear a mask especially if it is windy outside so needless to say we have been staying inside and away from people for the last week.

City of Hope
This is were J's next 2 rounds of chemo will be. They are called Stem Cell Chemo. He will be hooked up to a machine similar to a dialysis machine where they will extract his stem cells and collect enough for the 2 rounds that he will be doing. He will sit there hooked up to the machine for up to 6-8 hrs over a period of a couple of days depending on how much they can extract at a time. He should be starting this process sometime this week as long as his whites are up and there is a good amount of stem cells built up. He then will have any where from 2-4 weeks before he starts this next phase. He will be in the hospital for 10-12 days. They will completely wipe out his immune system which will make him very sick. The kids will not be able to visit him as he will be confined to his room and so sick he won't be able to move. Anyone that comes in to see him he will have to wear a mask for his own protection from any germs. The chemo should be for about 5 days and the rest of the time is spent giving him some of the stem cells back and building his immune system back up so that he can come back home. The doctors hope to have him home from his 1st round of this chemo by Thanksgiving and his 2nd round by Christmas.



Daily Shots
J has to give himself a daily shot of neupogen. This is to increase the stem cells that are needed to be extracted for the next stage of this chemo. We decided to go with the whole stem cell chemo because although the Salvage Chemo has a good shot of curing J the Stem Cell Chemo gives him a 15-20% better chance of curing him for good. J gives himself this shot every morning and C sits next to him and watches him as he fills up the shot and injects it into his belly. These shots give him some serious headaches and bone pain because they are doing their job: building stem cells. He can't take regular meds like Tylenol but is on heavy narcotics. Not his choice but the only thing he is allowed to take.

Bandage Changes

I am now officially the Caregiver to J... I'm solely responsible for making sure on a daily basis that his new PICC line (which now includes three lines and is much closer to the aorta) is flushed with Heparin everyday and on Sundays and Wednesdays his caps are changed (the blue things) and once a week that his bandage is changed. This means some serious sterile mask and glove wearing going on. I think I'm more nervous about keeping everything sterile the whole time I'm changing his bandage. I was supposed to practice the bandage change on Friday on Chester (the dummy) but since J's bandage needed to be changed due to having blood under it, I was the one who had to do it. I was so nervous... the nurse said the hardest part is getting the gloves on without contaminating them; otherwise you start all over again putting the dang things on again. J and the nurse said I did a really good job for my first time and J says that's because I'm a scrapbooker and so meticulous. I just think its cause I didn't want to screw up. Once J has started collecting (stem cells) I have a special caregiver class that I will be going to. They will give me a huge book that goes over everything I have to do to the house to make it safe for J to come home to. The class is for 2.5 hours! That is a lot of info...

Please continue to pray that J's whites/stem cells will continue to increase so that they are able to collect enough and maybe more than what they need this week. Thanks for the love and support. We really appreciate everyone and all you do for us.

Also a special thank you to the Heywood’s for sending that awesome package. The kids loved it. It was like Christmas to them and got them so excited for Halloween. We were able to open it up with Jeff at the hospital that last Friday 9/19. Thank you so much!

How Sweet It Is...

J is finally home... Hooray! We are all so excited. I was able to pick him up from the hospital around noon after dropping C off at school. We came home and he had his first meal which he has been able to keep down so far... Knock on wood. K came walking in the office after J had been lying down on the couch for a little while. She stood in the doorway holding her blanket and saying "Dada". When I asked her if she wanted to lay down she shook her head yes. I picked her up and she again said "Dada" so I asked her if she wanted to lay by J and she shook her head yes again. I took her out into the family room where J lay and she said "Dada" and he woke up and I told him that she wanted to lay by him. She just lit up. She was so excited and laid there for a few minutes so still and quiet. She even has the same blanket on her from when she was just 3 days old. Its hard to believe that these photos were taken only 18.5 months apart. She still is his little sweet heart...
This picture is from when K was just 3 days old. J had come home from his 1st day of his 3rd round and they took a nap together. (this was also a Monday.) (I'd just post just the picture but my computer is DOA and my computer tech is crashed out on the couch.)

C came home from school and the first thing he asked J was how the hospital was... He's pretty extatic to have his dad home and so am I... That means no more having a 5 yr old insist on sleeping in my bed and no more driving back and forth to the hospital... at least for a little while.

Day 5 of Chemo

I thought I'd update you all on J. He is finishing up day 5 of chemo tonight probably around 11pm. We all wish he could pack up and come home at that time but he has chosen to stay and have them continue an IV to keep him hydrated through the night and through Monday morning. He hasn't been able to keep much down and as much as we'd really like to have him home we'd rather him feel better and be hydrated so we don't have to go back a couple of days later. He's been really tired this round and with all the nausea meds they've given him to try and keep him from throwing up he says he always seems dazed. Although when I've taken the kids to visit him he is pretty with it which is good because the kids love going to see him and C especially loves playing on the computer in the lobby where we meet J. Yesterday he was playing on it looking at Google Earth like he always does and asking J what certain places were that popped up on the screen. I walked over to look at the screen after C had closed out the program to see that C had changed Google Earth to his name. That kid defiantly takes after his dad. I told C who has been telling everyone who would listen that his dad would be home on Sunday, that J wouldn't be home till Monday and thinking he'd throw a fit he was more than understanding and was ok that J would still be in the hospital one more day. Before J went into the hospital this time he sat C down and explained to him that he had to go back. C said yeah, because your back hurts really really bad. (this is why he thought J was in the hospital the first time. We didn't know how to explain what cancer was to a 5 yr. old) This time J told C that his back was better but that he had to get special medicine for the cancer that was in his body. Without hesitation C piped up and the special medicine kills the cancer. That kid amazes me... we have never talked to him about cancer and how the medicine kills cancer. I believe he is so in tune with the spirit that it helps him to understand things that even some of us adults do not. Please keep J in your prayers that he will be able to get hydrated and keep food down so that he can come home and stay home until his next round. Thank you for all your love and support.

We Never Knew ...

a Real Hero...

until our Daddy became One...

Often times we think that a hero is someone who fights fires, patrols the streets for our safety or sometimes wears a cape and flies through the sky.... every once in a while there is a hero right in our own homes...

(J is doing ok... He's feeling pretty blah and is looking forward to coming home soon. So far he has gotten sick a few times and is hanging in there. Thank you for all your prayers. He is willing to have visitors and just needs you to find out how he feels before going down and to get the room #.)

An Attitude with a Heart of Gratitude

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It's all about attitude... it can make or break you. J is such a great example of a strong and upbeat attitude. He tries to keep his spirits up and have a good attitude with all of this even when he is feeling sick and just wants to feel somewhat normal again. I try to have a good attitude about all this and often think that no matter what we may be facing there is always somewhere out there that has life worse; that is struggling with their own personal things and it makes us feel like if people can make it through their rough spots we can too. We are also so grateful for so many things... We are so grateful that we have such awesome insurance that is willing to cover everything from here on out because we've met our deductible, J has a great employer and boss that are willing to work with him on his time away and are so understanding of his situation. We are grateful for people who go out of there way to leave a kind word, a note of encouragement. We are grateful for people who think only good thoughts for us, say a prayer for us even if they've never met us before and all because of a story that I wanted to share with K someday about her dad...Grateful for people who take time out of their daily lives to sit and read about us. To keep up on us to see how we are doing. People who are willing to sit with my kids while I go and visit J for time alone together. We are grateful for those who show their support by sporting their yellow wristbands. (you can still get one if you'd like... they are free to whoever would like one just leave a comment and we will get you one.)
We are grateful to those who have brought us meals, babysat, family that has time and time again supported us. Friends who have come to visit called or sent a little note.(thank you to my Utah family for putting this together ↑ it meant so much to J.) It's little things like this that really touch us and make us feel loved and like we can make it through. And especially grateful for the nurses and doctors who do their best to take care of J. (he started chemo again yesterday at 6pm, I'll try and get him to update.) Things that make us want to have an attitude that we came make it through all this and a heart full of gratitude. But, most of all I'm grateful that we have each other.... No Matter What! Thank you to everyone. We love you and are so appreciative of your love, prayers, and constant support.

Time for round 2! DING DING!!

Well, this week is round two. We thought that I was going to start today, but the hospital did not have a bed in the oncology wing for me today. They will have a bed tomorrow. So I get one more night at home then I'm in the hospital for five days. I saw my Oncologist today and he is very pleased with my progress, he is adjusting the chemo to help with my neuropathy and he thinks this round will be a little easier. I will try to keep posting from the hospital. Good night.

U + Me =

...Forever...For Always...No Matter What...

Top 10 Reasons It's Good to be Bald....

10. Huge savings on shampoo.
9. Combs are no longer needed. Just dry and go.
8. No longer a need for hairspray, mousse or gel in the medicine cabinet.
7. There is no such thing as a bad hair day.
6. Bald Goes With Everything.
5. Shaves seconds off my swim time
4. Rubbing my head = good luck.
3. Haircuts take less time.
2. Believe it or not, many women like this look. Sean Connery was voted sexiest man alive - at age 73, bald as a billiard ball.
And the #1 reason it is good to be bald....
cause God only made a few perfect heads; the rest he covered with hair.

This is Where the END of CANCER Begins

THIS IS WHERE THE END OF CANCER BEGINS

I was watching this program tonight and they talked about how in the 1930's that a radio station said if everyone donated just 10 cents that 50 million people would raise $5 million dollars to find a cure for polio. People donated and they found a vaccine for polio.... By today's equivalent that is only a $1.50. If you only even donated a $1.50 you can still make a difference. We will be able to find a cure for cancer someday. Cancer touches everyone...
(You can even make a donation to honor someone close to you or in memory of a loved one.)
If you'd like to make a donation to honor J please feel free to contact us for our address:
SU2C will send an acknowledgment card in recognition of your honorarium donation.
(If you'd like to donate in J's honor just click on the link it will take you to the donation page and you check the box for honorary donation. This area will let you fill out the person's name and address to send them a card letting them know you donated in their honor.) You can choose any amount...

We used to have such crazy dreams.
The kind of dreams that brought us together, made us not mere mortals, but a movement.

We used to dream we'd get to the moon.
And we were crazy enough, fanatical enough, relentless enough, to get there.

We dreamed we'd split the atom.
Make smallpox and polio whispers from forgotten history books.
Make technology infinite, individual.
Connect the world.

All the unbelievable and the impossible,
all the can't do and the never will, we overwhelmed them, we overpowered them, we conquered them.
They said no and we, well,
We said yes.
We stood up.
We stood up and changed the world.

Stand up when everybody else sits down
Stand up when it's easier to turn away
Stand up for everyone who can't rise anymore

When the answer seems impossible, stand up
When the dream is right within our reach, stand up
When the powerful refuse your call, stand up

The moment is now and the time has come to stand up.
One out of every two men
One out of every three women
will face these diseases we call cancer.

Our sisters, our brothers, our fathers, our mothers,
our husbands, our wives, our children.
Our very best friends and those we've yet to meet.

One person every minute, one person in a moment gets lost, gets stolen, gets taken away.

We are a tapestry of lives touched and brought together by a terrorist we can actually find. And in the time it's taken to read this, three more Americans have died.

Unforgivable.

This is where the end of cancer begins.

When together we become a force unmistakable.
A movement undeniable.
A light that cannot dim.

When we take our wild impossible dreams
And make them possible
Make them true

When together we rise as one
When we stand up
When we Stand Up To Cancer.

Please Donate... Even if it is only a $1.50.

Comment Help

I know some people have told us or others that they are having a hard time being able to leave comments on the blog. So I thought I'd give a little run down on how to do it:
At the bottom of any post you will see this:Click on the ( LIVESTRONG Comments) and it will bring up this window:You can select name/url and just type a name or choose anonymous. You don't have to have a
google account to leave comments. ( once you have left a comment click publish your comment and it will send us an email to have it moderated. We try and publish the comments a few times a day.) We'd love to hear from everyone who wishes to leave words of love, support, and encouragement.

Back to work

Well I am back to work today (half day) and so far so good. Just feeling a little tired. I've got just under 2 weeks until my next round so I hope to make the best of it.

Nurse Emily?

Everyday J needs to have his PICC line flushed out to keep it clean and ready to use at a moments notice. Therefore I have become his PICC line nurse who ONLY flushes the line nightly. I clean each line (he has 2 lines) and each line gets a syringe of saline first to flush it and then is followed up with Heparin to prevent the lines from clogging. I never have wanted to be a nurse and since this doesn't involve blood I can handle doing this part. I'm thankful that J has had so many wonderful nurses that have been there to take care of him. I have so much respect for those nurses who do so much. My part is so small compared to what they do. I will be forever grateful for them.

Feeling a Bit More Normal

Today is my first full day home from the hospital and I'm feeling a bit more normal. I've worked on the computer for a while, I had lunch with a friend and have only had to rest on the couch a few times. So as the days go, hopefully my strength and stamina will improve and I can try to go back to work next week.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

J came home from the hospital just after noon today and while I was out running errands he called me and told me to bring C home before his play date. His hair was falling out fast and we wanted to buzz his head in front of the kids so that it wouldn't be so traumatic when he is completely bald. (his hair started falling out on Tues. and we thought he'd have at least another week before it happened. C seemed to be ok with it and joined in even if he was only pretending to shave J's head. He didn't want to have the buzzer turned on. C's scared of it. K whimpered a little not really knowing what was going on but seemed to be ok with it. Once I was done, J went into the bathroom to take a look and C followed him in. He says to J "It looks pretty good" so we know he was ok with it. As J would say "at least I have a good head and look decent bald". I think he should do a post about the best reasons to be bald...

He's coming home...

The dr. says J's white blood counts are up and everything looks great. They've cleared him of everything and are releasing him this afternoon! I asked C if he prayed that his dad would be able to come home and he told me yes. So with the faith of a little child and all those of you who prayed that J's whites would come up quickly, thank you. The kids are so excited. Everytime I asked if they were excited about J coming home, K shooked her head yes and had a huge smile on her face. We will have the next 2 weeks together!

White Cells Are Improving!

My white cells are up again, we are now waiting on ANC counts to go up. ANC are mature white blood cells that fight infection so they are critical. If they can go up then maybe I can go home tomorrow or Friday. I know E and the kids are missing me so I hope it goes up today and I can come home tomorrow. I should know early tomorrow morning. Lets keep it in our prayers!

Better Days

Today was a harder day. For me, for the kids... We all felt the missing hole in our family today. K didn't want me to put her to bed and C didn't want me to leave to go visit J. He struggled with that fact and held back his tears which for him to do that you know he is really hurting. He usually is so open with how he feels. As I was driving home from the hospital one night this song Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls came on (on the top left is where you can hear the song). I was drawn to the lyrics:

(Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world And there's 10 million more who probably could If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them)

It made me think about the power of prayer and how much it can change so much, that there will be better days. I think often times we get caught up in life and daily things and forget about the simple things in life. And that a simple prayer can make all the difference in someone's life in our own lives. I'm grateful for all of the prayers said in our behalf and to be able to have that peace of mind that there will better days. We just have to make it past the hard days first.

Improving

I just spoke with the doctor and my white blood counts are improving and hopefully I should be out of here within the next 2 days! The doc also said that the time table will stay the same so my 2nd round should start on Sept. 15th. So hopefully I will be out of here quickly to enjoy some time with my family before it starts again. Thanks for all the support for me and my family!!!!

Enduring Till the End

As I was getting the kids ready for bed Sunday night I just kept thinking to myself that I didn't want to keep playing this role of single mom, I didn't want to continue on facing this trial. I was ready to just say I quit, throw in the towel. I just didn't see how I could be everything and more everyone needed me to be for the next few months. Things were really weighing down on me that whole day... as I put C to bed I turned on his cd player. He listens to primary music every night as he goes to sleep. The first song on the cd is I'm A Child of God. C started belting out the words to the song and I sat there not really listening to him but as I walked down the hall to put K to bed I all of a sudden heard the words... "celestial glory will be mine if I but endure". I thought to myself, this is what it is all about this trial, life, things that happen that we can't control... I just need to endure this to the end because at the end of all this at the end of my life if I've endured then celestial glory will be mine and that's the best reward I can get. Even though life is tough and hardships and trials come I just need to remember that simple phrase from such a simple song and I 'll know that things will be ok...and if I forget that then I'll just let the innocence of a child belt that song out and snap me out of that slump. So I'm gonna try my hardest and endure this all to the end...no matter how hard it is.