We Never Knew ...

a Real Hero...

until our Daddy became One...

Often times we think that a hero is someone who fights fires, patrols the streets for our safety or sometimes wears a cape and flies through the sky.... every once in a while there is a hero right in our own homes...

(J is doing ok... He's feeling pretty blah and is looking forward to coming home soon. So far he has gotten sick a few times and is hanging in there. Thank you for all your prayers. He is willing to have visitors and just needs you to find out how he feels before going down and to get the room #.)

An Attitude with a Heart of Gratitude

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It's all about attitude... it can make or break you. J is such a great example of a strong and upbeat attitude. He tries to keep his spirits up and have a good attitude with all of this even when he is feeling sick and just wants to feel somewhat normal again. I try to have a good attitude about all this and often think that no matter what we may be facing there is always somewhere out there that has life worse; that is struggling with their own personal things and it makes us feel like if people can make it through their rough spots we can too. We are also so grateful for so many things... We are so grateful that we have such awesome insurance that is willing to cover everything from here on out because we've met our deductible, J has a great employer and boss that are willing to work with him on his time away and are so understanding of his situation. We are grateful for people who go out of there way to leave a kind word, a note of encouragement. We are grateful for people who think only good thoughts for us, say a prayer for us even if they've never met us before and all because of a story that I wanted to share with K someday about her dad...Grateful for people who take time out of their daily lives to sit and read about us. To keep up on us to see how we are doing. People who are willing to sit with my kids while I go and visit J for time alone together. We are grateful for those who show their support by sporting their yellow wristbands. (you can still get one if you'd like... they are free to whoever would like one just leave a comment and we will get you one.)
We are grateful to those who have brought us meals, babysat, family that has time and time again supported us. Friends who have come to visit called or sent a little note.(thank you to my Utah family for putting this together ↑ it meant so much to J.) It's little things like this that really touch us and make us feel loved and like we can make it through. And especially grateful for the nurses and doctors who do their best to take care of J. (he started chemo again yesterday at 6pm, I'll try and get him to update.) Things that make us want to have an attitude that we came make it through all this and a heart full of gratitude. But, most of all I'm grateful that we have each other.... No Matter What! Thank you to everyone. We love you and are so appreciative of your love, prayers, and constant support.

Time for round 2! DING DING!!

Well, this week is round two. We thought that I was going to start today, but the hospital did not have a bed in the oncology wing for me today. They will have a bed tomorrow. So I get one more night at home then I'm in the hospital for five days. I saw my Oncologist today and he is very pleased with my progress, he is adjusting the chemo to help with my neuropathy and he thinks this round will be a little easier. I will try to keep posting from the hospital. Good night.

U + Me =

...Forever...For Always...No Matter What...

Top 10 Reasons It's Good to be Bald....

10. Huge savings on shampoo.
9. Combs are no longer needed. Just dry and go.
8. No longer a need for hairspray, mousse or gel in the medicine cabinet.
7. There is no such thing as a bad hair day.
6. Bald Goes With Everything.
5. Shaves seconds off my swim time
4. Rubbing my head = good luck.
3. Haircuts take less time.
2. Believe it or not, many women like this look. Sean Connery was voted sexiest man alive - at age 73, bald as a billiard ball.
And the #1 reason it is good to be bald....
cause God only made a few perfect heads; the rest he covered with hair.

This is Where the END of CANCER Begins

THIS IS WHERE THE END OF CANCER BEGINS

I was watching this program tonight and they talked about how in the 1930's that a radio station said if everyone donated just 10 cents that 50 million people would raise $5 million dollars to find a cure for polio. People donated and they found a vaccine for polio.... By today's equivalent that is only a $1.50. If you only even donated a $1.50 you can still make a difference. We will be able to find a cure for cancer someday. Cancer touches everyone...
(You can even make a donation to honor someone close to you or in memory of a loved one.)
If you'd like to make a donation to honor J please feel free to contact us for our address:
SU2C will send an acknowledgment card in recognition of your honorarium donation.
(If you'd like to donate in J's honor just click on the link it will take you to the donation page and you check the box for honorary donation. This area will let you fill out the person's name and address to send them a card letting them know you donated in their honor.) You can choose any amount...

We used to have such crazy dreams.
The kind of dreams that brought us together, made us not mere mortals, but a movement.

We used to dream we'd get to the moon.
And we were crazy enough, fanatical enough, relentless enough, to get there.

We dreamed we'd split the atom.
Make smallpox and polio whispers from forgotten history books.
Make technology infinite, individual.
Connect the world.

All the unbelievable and the impossible,
all the can't do and the never will, we overwhelmed them, we overpowered them, we conquered them.
They said no and we, well,
We said yes.
We stood up.
We stood up and changed the world.

Stand up when everybody else sits down
Stand up when it's easier to turn away
Stand up for everyone who can't rise anymore

When the answer seems impossible, stand up
When the dream is right within our reach, stand up
When the powerful refuse your call, stand up

The moment is now and the time has come to stand up.
One out of every two men
One out of every three women
will face these diseases we call cancer.

Our sisters, our brothers, our fathers, our mothers,
our husbands, our wives, our children.
Our very best friends and those we've yet to meet.

One person every minute, one person in a moment gets lost, gets stolen, gets taken away.

We are a tapestry of lives touched and brought together by a terrorist we can actually find. And in the time it's taken to read this, three more Americans have died.

Unforgivable.

This is where the end of cancer begins.

When together we become a force unmistakable.
A movement undeniable.
A light that cannot dim.

When we take our wild impossible dreams
And make them possible
Make them true

When together we rise as one
When we stand up
When we Stand Up To Cancer.

Please Donate... Even if it is only a $1.50.

Comment Help

I know some people have told us or others that they are having a hard time being able to leave comments on the blog. So I thought I'd give a little run down on how to do it:
At the bottom of any post you will see this:Click on the ( LIVESTRONG Comments) and it will bring up this window:You can select name/url and just type a name or choose anonymous. You don't have to have a
google account to leave comments. ( once you have left a comment click publish your comment and it will send us an email to have it moderated. We try and publish the comments a few times a day.) We'd love to hear from everyone who wishes to leave words of love, support, and encouragement.

Back to work

Well I am back to work today (half day) and so far so good. Just feeling a little tired. I've got just under 2 weeks until my next round so I hope to make the best of it.

Nurse Emily?

Everyday J needs to have his PICC line flushed out to keep it clean and ready to use at a moments notice. Therefore I have become his PICC line nurse who ONLY flushes the line nightly. I clean each line (he has 2 lines) and each line gets a syringe of saline first to flush it and then is followed up with Heparin to prevent the lines from clogging. I never have wanted to be a nurse and since this doesn't involve blood I can handle doing this part. I'm thankful that J has had so many wonderful nurses that have been there to take care of him. I have so much respect for those nurses who do so much. My part is so small compared to what they do. I will be forever grateful for them.

Feeling a Bit More Normal

Today is my first full day home from the hospital and I'm feeling a bit more normal. I've worked on the computer for a while, I had lunch with a friend and have only had to rest on the couch a few times. So as the days go, hopefully my strength and stamina will improve and I can try to go back to work next week.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

J came home from the hospital just after noon today and while I was out running errands he called me and told me to bring C home before his play date. His hair was falling out fast and we wanted to buzz his head in front of the kids so that it wouldn't be so traumatic when he is completely bald. (his hair started falling out on Tues. and we thought he'd have at least another week before it happened. C seemed to be ok with it and joined in even if he was only pretending to shave J's head. He didn't want to have the buzzer turned on. C's scared of it. K whimpered a little not really knowing what was going on but seemed to be ok with it. Once I was done, J went into the bathroom to take a look and C followed him in. He says to J "It looks pretty good" so we know he was ok with it. As J would say "at least I have a good head and look decent bald". I think he should do a post about the best reasons to be bald...

He's coming home...

The dr. says J's white blood counts are up and everything looks great. They've cleared him of everything and are releasing him this afternoon! I asked C if he prayed that his dad would be able to come home and he told me yes. So with the faith of a little child and all those of you who prayed that J's whites would come up quickly, thank you. The kids are so excited. Everytime I asked if they were excited about J coming home, K shooked her head yes and had a huge smile on her face. We will have the next 2 weeks together!

White Cells Are Improving!

My white cells are up again, we are now waiting on ANC counts to go up. ANC are mature white blood cells that fight infection so they are critical. If they can go up then maybe I can go home tomorrow or Friday. I know E and the kids are missing me so I hope it goes up today and I can come home tomorrow. I should know early tomorrow morning. Lets keep it in our prayers!

Better Days

Today was a harder day. For me, for the kids... We all felt the missing hole in our family today. K didn't want me to put her to bed and C didn't want me to leave to go visit J. He struggled with that fact and held back his tears which for him to do that you know he is really hurting. He usually is so open with how he feels. As I was driving home from the hospital one night this song Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls came on (on the top left is where you can hear the song). I was drawn to the lyrics:

(Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world And there's 10 million more who probably could If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them)

It made me think about the power of prayer and how much it can change so much, that there will be better days. I think often times we get caught up in life and daily things and forget about the simple things in life. And that a simple prayer can make all the difference in someone's life in our own lives. I'm grateful for all of the prayers said in our behalf and to be able to have that peace of mind that there will better days. We just have to make it past the hard days first.

Improving

I just spoke with the doctor and my white blood counts are improving and hopefully I should be out of here within the next 2 days! The doc also said that the time table will stay the same so my 2nd round should start on Sept. 15th. So hopefully I will be out of here quickly to enjoy some time with my family before it starts again. Thanks for all the support for me and my family!!!!

Enduring Till the End

As I was getting the kids ready for bed Sunday night I just kept thinking to myself that I didn't want to keep playing this role of single mom, I didn't want to continue on facing this trial. I was ready to just say I quit, throw in the towel. I just didn't see how I could be everything and more everyone needed me to be for the next few months. Things were really weighing down on me that whole day... as I put C to bed I turned on his cd player. He listens to primary music every night as he goes to sleep. The first song on the cd is I'm A Child of God. C started belting out the words to the song and I sat there not really listening to him but as I walked down the hall to put K to bed I all of a sudden heard the words... "celestial glory will be mine if I but endure". I thought to myself, this is what it is all about this trial, life, things that happen that we can't control... I just need to endure this to the end because at the end of all this at the end of my life if I've endured then celestial glory will be mine and that's the best reward I can get. Even though life is tough and hardships and trials come I just need to remember that simple phrase from such a simple song and I 'll know that things will be ok...and if I forget that then I'll just let the innocence of a child belt that song out and snap me out of that slump. So I'm gonna try my hardest and endure this all to the end...no matter how hard it is.

Hello From the Hospital...Again!

So here I sit in the hospital, trying to keep my spirits up. I did get a bit off "off the record" news from one of the nurses here. The CT they did this morning to examine my abdomen shows a decrease in some of the lymph nodes! So that's good to hear! I have a bit of neuropathy in my fingers and its makes it hard to type, I will try to update more later.

So Far...

The Dr. seems optimistic that we were able to catch anything before it happened. Meaning it looks like I ;) got him to the ER before he actually caught anything that could cause an infection. We are still awaiting results of the cultures and that could take anywhere from 24 -48 hours. He still will be in the hospital for a few days until they can get his white blood count up. He is allowed out of the room and has to wear a mask. Anyone can visit if they are 12 and older. If you think you are sick or are coming down with something you must wear a mask while in the room with him. They have to keep his room door closed to protect him since he is a neutripinc patient and there are to be NO Live flowers, plants, fresh fruits or vegetables allowed in the room with him due to bacteria. We all wish he was home and the kids haven't asked about him. I don't know if it is because they just assume that he was at work since we left last night when they were sound asleep. The dr. probably won't post pone his second round which means he'll only have a few days home before he is hospitalized once again. Please continue your prayers and pray that his white blood count will go up quickly so he can come back home and be with us.

101.7°

Well we are back at the hospital. J is lying in a bed in the ER waiting for his blood to be drawn. He spiked a fever at 101.7° and we called the on call dr. He was able to look up J's hospital records and saw how extremely low his white blood count is and said because it is so low we needed to take him to the ER and have him admitted for antibiotics. We are awaiting having his blood work done up and then they will work with the on-call oncologist and most likely admit him and send him back up to where he was just a few days ago... well it's 1:58am and the dr. came in and said they are starting him on antibiotics. Really strong ones to fight off the infection (they don't know what size it is until they get the cultures back). He has what the dr. called neutripina this is what the dr. called it (not sure of the spelling) he has 0.4 white blood count which basically means he is at a 40 when the average person should have 5.0 which is like 500. He is currently quarantined until they have a bed upstairs for him. No live plants or fresh fruits are allowed near him. His regular dr. will come see him in the morning. We aren't sure yet but he may have to stay awhile until his white blood count gets up. Its 3:30am and I'm finally home... the nurse said he could be in the hospital up to a week. At least until they can get his count up and his fevers under control. They had taken his temp in the ER just before they took him upstairs and it was at 98.7 but by the time he got up there and they took his temp again his fever had spiked to 101.5. He also has lost an additional 4 pounds since he left the hospital Thursday. I'm gonna try and get some sleep and I'll update when I know more. Dr. will see him in the morning.

Back in the Hospital

J hasn't been able to keep food or fluids down since he was discharged Thursday afternoon. He talked to the on call Dr. and he told him to see if he could keep Gatorade down but still wasn't able to keep that down. We left our house at 11pm and now we sit here waiting on an x-ray of his PICC line so they can give him fluids and naseau meds. The nurse just walked in and they grabbed him as he was walking back from the restroom and he is being taken to x-ray. I'll update more later. They just took blood, gave meds and he has now started his IV at 12:56 am. The nurse said it wouldn't take long but who knows what that means. Well we are just now leaving the hospital at 4:30am. Time to go home get J something to eat, hopefully he will keep it down and we will all get some sleep. I should hopefully get at least 2 hrs. before K wakes.