Feeling a Bit More Normal

Today is my first full day home from the hospital and I'm feeling a bit more normal. I've worked on the computer for a while, I had lunch with a friend and have only had to rest on the couch a few times. So as the days go, hopefully my strength and stamina will improve and I can try to go back to work next week.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

J came home from the hospital just after noon today and while I was out running errands he called me and told me to bring C home before his play date. His hair was falling out fast and we wanted to buzz his head in front of the kids so that it wouldn't be so traumatic when he is completely bald. (his hair started falling out on Tues. and we thought he'd have at least another week before it happened. C seemed to be ok with it and joined in even if he was only pretending to shave J's head. He didn't want to have the buzzer turned on. C's scared of it. K whimpered a little not really knowing what was going on but seemed to be ok with it. Once I was done, J went into the bathroom to take a look and C followed him in. He says to J "It looks pretty good" so we know he was ok with it. As J would say "at least I have a good head and look decent bald". I think he should do a post about the best reasons to be bald...

He's coming home...

The dr. says J's white blood counts are up and everything looks great. They've cleared him of everything and are releasing him this afternoon! I asked C if he prayed that his dad would be able to come home and he told me yes. So with the faith of a little child and all those of you who prayed that J's whites would come up quickly, thank you. The kids are so excited. Everytime I asked if they were excited about J coming home, K shooked her head yes and had a huge smile on her face. We will have the next 2 weeks together!

White Cells Are Improving!

My white cells are up again, we are now waiting on ANC counts to go up. ANC are mature white blood cells that fight infection so they are critical. If they can go up then maybe I can go home tomorrow or Friday. I know E and the kids are missing me so I hope it goes up today and I can come home tomorrow. I should know early tomorrow morning. Lets keep it in our prayers!

Better Days

Today was a harder day. For me, for the kids... We all felt the missing hole in our family today. K didn't want me to put her to bed and C didn't want me to leave to go visit J. He struggled with that fact and held back his tears which for him to do that you know he is really hurting. He usually is so open with how he feels. As I was driving home from the hospital one night this song Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls came on (on the top left is where you can hear the song). I was drawn to the lyrics:

(Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world And there's 10 million more who probably could If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them)

It made me think about the power of prayer and how much it can change so much, that there will be better days. I think often times we get caught up in life and daily things and forget about the simple things in life. And that a simple prayer can make all the difference in someone's life in our own lives. I'm grateful for all of the prayers said in our behalf and to be able to have that peace of mind that there will better days. We just have to make it past the hard days first.

Improving

I just spoke with the doctor and my white blood counts are improving and hopefully I should be out of here within the next 2 days! The doc also said that the time table will stay the same so my 2nd round should start on Sept. 15th. So hopefully I will be out of here quickly to enjoy some time with my family before it starts again. Thanks for all the support for me and my family!!!!

Enduring Till the End

As I was getting the kids ready for bed Sunday night I just kept thinking to myself that I didn't want to keep playing this role of single mom, I didn't want to continue on facing this trial. I was ready to just say I quit, throw in the towel. I just didn't see how I could be everything and more everyone needed me to be for the next few months. Things were really weighing down on me that whole day... as I put C to bed I turned on his cd player. He listens to primary music every night as he goes to sleep. The first song on the cd is I'm A Child of God. C started belting out the words to the song and I sat there not really listening to him but as I walked down the hall to put K to bed I all of a sudden heard the words... "celestial glory will be mine if I but endure". I thought to myself, this is what it is all about this trial, life, things that happen that we can't control... I just need to endure this to the end because at the end of all this at the end of my life if I've endured then celestial glory will be mine and that's the best reward I can get. Even though life is tough and hardships and trials come I just need to remember that simple phrase from such a simple song and I 'll know that things will be ok...and if I forget that then I'll just let the innocence of a child belt that song out and snap me out of that slump. So I'm gonna try my hardest and endure this all to the end...no matter how hard it is.

Hello From the Hospital...Again!

So here I sit in the hospital, trying to keep my spirits up. I did get a bit off "off the record" news from one of the nurses here. The CT they did this morning to examine my abdomen shows a decrease in some of the lymph nodes! So that's good to hear! I have a bit of neuropathy in my fingers and its makes it hard to type, I will try to update more later.

So Far...

The Dr. seems optimistic that we were able to catch anything before it happened. Meaning it looks like I ;) got him to the ER before he actually caught anything that could cause an infection. We are still awaiting results of the cultures and that could take anywhere from 24 -48 hours. He still will be in the hospital for a few days until they can get his white blood count up. He is allowed out of the room and has to wear a mask. Anyone can visit if they are 12 and older. If you think you are sick or are coming down with something you must wear a mask while in the room with him. They have to keep his room door closed to protect him since he is a neutripinc patient and there are to be NO Live flowers, plants, fresh fruits or vegetables allowed in the room with him due to bacteria. We all wish he was home and the kids haven't asked about him. I don't know if it is because they just assume that he was at work since we left last night when they were sound asleep. The dr. probably won't post pone his second round which means he'll only have a few days home before he is hospitalized once again. Please continue your prayers and pray that his white blood count will go up quickly so he can come back home and be with us.

101.7°

Well we are back at the hospital. J is lying in a bed in the ER waiting for his blood to be drawn. He spiked a fever at 101.7° and we called the on call dr. He was able to look up J's hospital records and saw how extremely low his white blood count is and said because it is so low we needed to take him to the ER and have him admitted for antibiotics. We are awaiting having his blood work done up and then they will work with the on-call oncologist and most likely admit him and send him back up to where he was just a few days ago... well it's 1:58am and the dr. came in and said they are starting him on antibiotics. Really strong ones to fight off the infection (they don't know what size it is until they get the cultures back). He has what the dr. called neutripina this is what the dr. called it (not sure of the spelling) he has 0.4 white blood count which basically means he is at a 40 when the average person should have 5.0 which is like 500. He is currently quarantined until they have a bed upstairs for him. No live plants or fresh fruits are allowed near him. His regular dr. will come see him in the morning. We aren't sure yet but he may have to stay awhile until his white blood count gets up. Its 3:30am and I'm finally home... the nurse said he could be in the hospital up to a week. At least until they can get his count up and his fevers under control. They had taken his temp in the ER just before they took him upstairs and it was at 98.7 but by the time he got up there and they took his temp again his fever had spiked to 101.5. He also has lost an additional 4 pounds since he left the hospital Thursday. I'm gonna try and get some sleep and I'll update when I know more. Dr. will see him in the morning.

Back in the Hospital

J hasn't been able to keep food or fluids down since he was discharged Thursday afternoon. He talked to the on call Dr. and he told him to see if he could keep Gatorade down but still wasn't able to keep that down. We left our house at 11pm and now we sit here waiting on an x-ray of his PICC line so they can give him fluids and naseau meds. The nurse just walked in and they grabbed him as he was walking back from the restroom and he is being taken to x-ray. I'll update more later. They just took blood, gave meds and he has now started his IV at 12:56 am. The nurse said it wouldn't take long but who knows what that means. Well we are just now leaving the hospital at 4:30am. Time to go home get J something to eat, hopefully he will keep it down and we will all get some sleep. I should hopefully get at least 2 hrs. before K wakes.

He's Home!

J is finally home. I was able to pick him up around noon after having to leave and come back for him since I had to run C to school. He came home and commented that he felt better already just from leaving the hospital. He was able to take a shower and has been sleeping most of the time since then. He still doesn't feel great and that probably will continue for a few days until his body has completely flushed the chemo out. Until then he is constantly on nausea meds. He has lost 10 pounds since going into the hospital 9 days ago. He just hasn't had an appetite. K was so excited to see him and has stopped what she was doing just to go and snuggle with him. Her daddy is home and she couldn't be anymore happy. We are so glad to have him home and know he's glad to be home even if he still doesn't feel well.

J vs. Cancer

Round 1

J: 1
Cancer: 0

He is done! First round is finished; the nurse just unhooked his chemo and is changing his dressing on his PICC line. He will be on fluids the rest of the night to finish flushing his system of the chemo. J will be coming home sometime tomorrow morning and we can't wait. We are so excited to be done with round one.

The Battle's Only Just Begun...

Our battle against all this has only just begun. Even though J has one round under his belt we still have a battle ahead of us. Lots of work ahead. Time to have 2 weeks to recoup and start over again. This 8 day/9 night battle has been hard. But thanks to all those that have helped us out, babysat, brought food and gifts, visited J, said countless prayers in our behalf and left words of encouragement the battle has been a little easier to bear. Thanks to the people in my ward who gave of their time so I could spend one on one time with J. I think one of the hard parts of this battle is admitting and asking for help. I try to do everything myself, I try to be wife, mother and everything else these kids and J need me to be but the truth is... with out outside help, I don't know that we'd have survived this first part of the battle. So to those of you, I'm am forever grateful for. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Love,

J, E, C & K

The Wristbands Are Here...

If you'd like a wristband still they are here. Just let me or J's mom know how many you'd like and if you'd like an adult or youth. Thanks so much for the love and support. K has even been sporting 2 of them today. She was more than thrilled to get one of her own and C thinks they are pretty cool even if he doesn't understand what they mean.

He's Had Better Days

I'm sitting here next to J as he sleeps and I type this up on my phone. Tonight has been a different kind of visit. I walked in to find him looking like he'd been hit by a truck and from the sounds of it he feels that way too. They gave him more meds for the nausea and the size 8 headache he has and he's drifted off to sleep. He gets his last dose of 24 hr. chemo tonight. He just keeps saying one more night over and over again. He's ready to come home and we are ready to have him home even if it means he lies on the couch most of the time. The kids have been able to see him and should be able to continue to see him as long as his white blood cell count stays up. C seems to be pretending that things are normal and doesn't want to talk to or visit J. I'm sure its just his way of coping with things. At times he becomes emotional over the littlest things which makes life a challenge but we get through it. K is always wanting to go see her daddy and eagerly awaits him to walk through the double doors but is soon scared off by the machine and IV's that J is constantly attached to. I think she thinks that he won't be hooked up each time she sees him. She took one look at him today and whimpered. When J tried to put his arm around her she pulled it off and pushed him away. I could tell that hurt J. It broke my heart to see the Daddy's girl scared to be near cause of all the tubes. I know things will be better once he is home and life will seem normal to the kids with dad home. Even if it is for a short while.

Tuesday Update

It's Tuesday and I'm doing alright. The last few days were a bit hard, being tired and a little sick. Today is better, partly due to some pain pills (my body is sore from the bed), my appetite is better today. They started giving me small insulin shots to offset the extra sugar from a steroid that they have me on. They are also going to give me a shot to prevent blood clots due to the stay here. My doc came to see me and was very pleased with the reduction in the Lymph Node on my neck. So just one more full day then I can get out of here!

On a side note I would like to thank Kristen & Freeman for the DVD they gave me and the food. I would also like to thank Kent for the magazines. I also need to thank the Roberts for the goodies and magazine they brought as well. Thanks for all the support from everyone!

He's Ready to Get Out Of There

I got back from seeing J a couple of hours ago. He says he feels so Blah, mainly. He's getting tired from the chemo and now because of the steroids he had to have an insulin shot while I was there due to his blood sugar being high. He is so ready to be done and over this. He's tired of lying in a hospital bed and frankly I don't blame him. I want him to be home too. He should finish up his chemo sometime Wednesday night but they won't release him till Thursday. Only 3 more nights and 2 days. It seems like a lifetime but we will get through it. It'll make the next round seem so short compared to his 8 day and 9 night stint there. His pulmonary (lung) doctor came in and saw him today and said that he wanted to follow up with him in 6 weeks. J is ready to beat this cancer once and for all. Thanks to my sister who brought a fun goody basket and words of encouragement he now sports one of those roadside cones on his IV cart that says "Keep Going". That's what he needs to hear for the next couple of days just to keep going and that the end of this round is in sight. Thanks Amy for the fun stuff you gave him. I read him all the jokes and got a little laugh out of him. Thank you to all of those you fasted for him or just thought of him or said a little prayer for him. Say a little prayer for him that these next few days will fly by.

Saturday Update

Well, another day in the books. Doing well, all the visitors helped, thanks!!!

The doctor came in and gave us the official results that it is the same cancer I fought last time. He also said that I am category 3a which means that the cancer has not reached any vital organs! So things are looking good and we will get this beat!

I appreciate all the comments on the blog. Well... that's all I can think of for now. Good night and I will update tomorrow.

One Day Down Four to Go

J's chemo started around 8pm last night and so far he is doing great. His spirit seems to stay strong and I can tell he appreciates all the visitors. It really helps him to pass the time. We love reading all the comments and support that everyone has shown us. That has really helped us get through all of this. He has such a good attitude about it all that people comment how upbeat his despite his current situation. He wouldn't be doing good if he didn't keep up his spirit and everyone has helped with that so much. The kids are doing good. K seems to be affected the most by all of this just because of J being gone and then me leaving her from time to time. We have a lot of little prayers with her which seems to help her be strong. Its hard for a toddler to understand what is going on and not feel like everyone she knows is leaving her. C seems to understand that J has to be gone so that his back will get better and seems to be coping with that fairly well. Anyone who would like to join in on the fast is more than welcome to. We appreciate every prayer and good thought. The more positive energy out there the better so thank you.