Its just an hour or so before Relay for Life...I feel my past, present & my future colliding. No where to run. Can't hide from it this time. Have to face it head on whether I want to or not. This will be good for me. A chance to face my fear of breaking down at any given moment. That fear has gone away for the most part but its still there. And going to do something like this makes me stop for a min and think about my life. Where its been where its headed. I start looking at the pictures of J and memories rush back. That feeling of wanting to be in denial so strong. That feeling of walking in a dream starts to cloud my mind. I feel J's presence. Almost like it never happened. But it did and that is my reality. This relay isn't just bout those who have survived cancer. I think for me its proving to myself that I am a survivor too. Maybe not a survivor of cancer but a survivor of this trial. I've made it this far and I can keep going. I believe J would be so proud of me. For facing this head on when so many times I've wanted to just give up because I felt life was getting too hard. I know J never would have given up so neither can I. He may not have been able to say he was a survivor but he can say without a doubt that he was a fighter and I've just got to carry on and be the survivor for him. I believe I can do that. I've had so much love, support and prayers sent my way, without it I wouldn't be surviving everyday so thank you and thank you to those who donated to the cause.
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I know you don't know me so maybe it doesn't matter as much...but E I have to tell you I'm proud of you!! You're doing it...your living life to the best of your ability given the reality you have. And you are definitely right...Relay for Life is not just about those who have cancer...but I think just as much for those who are or were caregivers and are left to carry on.
Ruth
You are a survivor & I know he would be proud of you! I'm proud of you--you've come a long way! I'm so grateful for that & for those that have helped you. Love you!
I know Kori is there doing the relay with you and I am excited that you all get to do this together. You are an inspiration to so many, including me. You are a wonderful example of being a survivor and I am moved by all your posts. Thanks for giving me strength to keep fighting.
I really wish I could have been there to do that with you. I totally would have too!! Although I'm not sure how in shape I am. I went running/walking with Gavin this morning and let me tell you that running part was hard(it's been almost a year since I've done that.) Anyway you are a survior. I like the shirts you designed, any extras??(maybe it would help me run faster!) We are excited to see you soon!!
Sorry we weren't able to come and help out. We wanted to be there but things came up last minute. We hope everything went well and you got a good amount for the cause. Let us know if we can help out in any way.
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