I'm the Lucky One

Tomorrow marks 6 months that have passed. Seems like a strange dream. An altered reality. I think back to 6 months ago when there were days I thought I'd never be happy again. Find happiness again. Be doomed to live life as a single mom & I didn't want that. There were nights that I'd cry and pray that J would just come and take care of the kids, lull them to sleep because I just couldn't do it anymore. Night time was the hardest part of the day. I'd watch the clock & the days seemed so long. Now I find my self glimpsing at the calendar to see what day it is and wonder where the time has gone. Those first 3 months seemed to go by so slow. The agonizing days. Time seeming to stand still. Grief & sadness holding me back. Me trying to fight my reality... Accept my reality. Finally I broke free from the binds of time that were holding me back. I allowed myself to be happy again. Allowed that girl that was buried beneath everything every pain, every hurt, every denial to break back out slowly but surely. I still cry from time to time. Especially when I look at pictures of J & the kids that are hanging in their rooms. That may always be hard for me. I don't know. Its a strange feeling looking at those pictures. I can almost feel him there next to me smiling and putting his arm around me. Whispering in my ear and telling me he's proud of me. That he's happy to see me happy & that I'm finding the girl inside of me that he had fallen in love with all those years ago...and to me I feel lucky... lucky to have someone like that up there in heaven watching over me and my kids... and lucky to have found true happiness again, someone to make me smile and always be by my side and someone watching over me always up there in heaven. Yes I'm the lucky one.