I Will Get You Help...

As the 9th month approaches since J's passing I've been thinking of some of the last things he and I talked about before that day that I got the call that forever changed my life. I don't know why I can remember dates so vividly but I do. I find that I never forget certain dates. Sunday October 26, 2008... I remember it was late. My brother and I went to visit J. I had had one of those harder days. I was struggling. I was feeling like I was getting no help. I felt sorry for myself. Sorry for the situation I was in. I remember those feelings so vividly. I remember taking a walk with J around the hospital floor where he was allowed to walk. I remember crying to him because I felt like I couldn't keep going on. Just before I left that night he hugged me good bye and said to me... "If you don't get help by Wednesday I will get help for you." I really didn't know what he meant by those words. But as the months have passed I have seen first hand in my life the help that J was talking about. Maybe he knew to some degree that his time here on earth was short but he never let anyone know that. He knew in his heart that he would get me help... J coded October 29th, 2008... that Wednesday that he told me he'd get me help. Help came in so many different ways... comfort, prayers,... and then he sent me the help that I really needed... my angel, he sent him my way. Someone to listen to me when I didn't want to talk to anyone else. Some one's shoulder to cry on. Someone to lift me up and carry me when I couldn't walk any more. J knew exactly what kind of help I really needed and never left my side from day one. He made sure that certain things fell into place so that I would get the help that I needed. That my kids and I would be taken care of. So as I sit here tonight and think about all the ways he's sent me help over the past 9 months I can't help but feel overwhelmed by his love for his family. That he'd move Heaven and Earth for us, especially me to send me the help that I needed so desperately. Especially when he couldn't be the one to be here for me. He sent me someone to do his part. Take care of me and those he left behind. I will be forever grateful to J for getting me help even if that meant he had to leave this earth and take care of things on the other side. I'm grateful for my angel and his help that has helped me get through this trial in my life. Without my angel I would be lost. I am grateful to J for guiding my angel to me and for continuing to guide us and help us all.