Determined Soul

"There is no chance, no fate, no destiny...that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a DETERMINED SOUL!"

Cancer...its a nasty 6 letter word that no one should ever have to hear. It changes your life and those around you within seconds of hearing it. You can choose to let it make you bitter or you can choose to let it make you a stronger person because of it. I remember the first time I heard that word come out of J's mouth when he was first diagnosed. I was 7 months pregnant at the time with K. I couldn't believe it. That couldn't be happening. It was the 11th of December 2006 and my world seemed to be crashing in on me. And it happened again on August 11th, 2008. I'm sure anyone who has experienced that word whether it be for themselves or someone they love they know that feeling. Feeling helpless. Feeling cheated. Wondering why or how this happened. Cancer knows no race, it doesn't care if you are a son, a daughter, mother, father, kid, grandparent. It doesn't care if you can afford the treatments that can save your life. It hits you at anytime and anywhere. I've been thinking about the effects of cancer on someone lately. Not just how it effects them physically but mentally. Its hard. It effects everyone that comes into contact with them. Everyone that has ever known them. Recently a friend of mine found out that his mom's breast cancer has come back. My heart sank when I heard the news. I cried. It was about the same timing as J's coming back. I knew exactly how he felt, how everyone in her family felt. That helpless feeling. Feeling scared because they've already beat cancer once. What are the chances of a second time? How are they going to do this again? What is going to happen? What are the options the second time around? More chemo? Something different? Radiation? I believe in a fighting spirit. J had that fighting spirit and I know my friend's mom does too. Often times in life I think we forget that we have that in us too. We don't have to be diagnosed with cancer to gain that fighting spirit. I think its inside all of us. Its just up to us to decided if we want to fight whatever battle that is put in front of us. That we all have these trials put before us, some change as life goes on. The trial I went through with J and him having cancer has changed into me being left alone with two kids to raise. But, I'm a fighter and just like my friends mom I'm not willing to EVER give up. Each day that goes by that I make it through without pulling my hair out makes me who I am. Makes me stronger. I choose to be stronger because of all of this and not be bitter. I can't be. I don't want to be. What was the point of this post? I'm not really sure... but I do know that Cancer Sucks but attitude is what gets you from point A to point B. I'm letting my trials make me a stronger not bitter. And I'm going to be a determined soul. Not giving up. I'm working towards my happy ending. Everyone has one. It just takes awhile to get there sometimes. I'm learning to see the beauty around me again. Opening up my eyes to see that the world isn't such a bad place. That I have all the love and support I could ask for and more. That everyday is a step closer to finding that happy ending to my story. And I am a DETERMINED SOUL and so is she.