Most Days

Most days go by and I'm doing great. I handle things and I start to think I'm getting the hang of this single mom biz. Then a day like today happens. The house gets torn apart a million times. Kids are crying, drinks spilled, food thrown and I'm struggling to just get every little detail of my life fixed and in order. I find myself missing J. Watching the clock for that 6 'o clock hour to hit. The magic hour that used to occur at our house when J would walk through that door and we'd sit down as a family for dinner and I knew that I'd get a break from being a mom. I wished for most of all that he'd be here for my kids. Not even for me. Not to hold me or hug me. But, to be able to play with my kids. To wipe away K's tears because she's not feeling well to snuggle up with her like he always would. To build an awesome train track with C. I found myself as I put them to bed praying that he'd be able to visit them in some way tonight. To comfort K because she doesn't feel well. For the first time I miss J because of my kids. I ache for my kids. That they are missing out on having him here physically although I know without a doubt that he's always around. I know he's been watching K dance to her little hearts content. And been watching C play the same level on the video game over and over again and just smiling at the ridiculous words C's started to use. Knowing that he's getting a kick out of it. I just wish for one night, maybe tonight that my kids will really feel him around. Know how much he loves them and misses them. They need it, more than they probably even know. I need it for them....